Do Gay Parents Have an Affect on their Children's Sexual Preference?

MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO!

Family structure has changed from the traditional two parent family; the nuclear family to alternative family forms such as single-parent families, extended family to same sex parent households. In each alternative family structure the child/ren’s sexuality is affected. The parent does have an influence on the outcome of the child’s sexuality. National Longitudinal Survey of Youth researchers stated that children in divorced parents and parents who have not married have more permissive attitudes towards sexuality. This can lead to the children in the family experimenting with sexuality because it will be accepted. I believe that the same thing goes in a same sex parent household. The parent’s sexuality will have an influence on the child’s sexual preference. In this paper I will give examples of studies that conclude that a parent’s sexuality has an influence on the child’s sexual orientation. Examples used from my household will also support that children are a product of their environment and parent behavior is mimicked by the child.

Learned behavior may be the key component in validating and choosing their behavior, opening the door to behaviors done and acceptable by the parent. Parents that are not mindful that their actions are adopted by their children may find their children not having much choice in the direction in which they develop and grow. In my household my children; two daughters, nineteen and twelve are being raised by same sex parents (lesbians). The youngest is very acceptable to this lifestyle because we taught her as young as three years old that you are allowed to love anyone and that it didn’t matter if you were a girl and you liked girls or if you were a boy who liked boys. It was easy for her to follow suit because she was very young. Over the years we continued to instill these values in her head. My oldest daughter was around ten years old and she didn’t like my decision to be with women but gradually understood that it was just that my decision. After living together and being raised by two mothers for nine years, my oldest became more open minded about lesbian relationships and is currently engaged in a same sex relationship.

It was a continuous argument with my mother regarding what influenced my oldest daughter to be a lesbian until I asked my daughter why she chose to be in a same sex relationship. She said that she was approached by a female who was interested so she took her up on the offer to date. She seemed defensive about it, assuming I was asking because I disapproved. I came to this conclusion when she commented, “I know you are not mad? You’re a lesbian.” I knew then, my daughter’s sexual preference was influenced by my sexual inclinations. Prior to me coming out at a late age; while my children were young all the oldest daughter spoke of was boys. This confirmation lead me to the understanding that children are a product of there environment.

The problem with this is many parents don’t realize this and it blocks their children from going down a path they choose based upon attraction and not learned/modeled behavior. Being raised in a same sex parent household, seeing affection being displayed and opinionated talk about the inadequacy of men, exposing our children to our views about men being “dog’s”, “promiscuous by nature”, “cheaters” may also have played a role in her sexual preference.

According to notations in the American Sociological Review made by researchers, Judith Stacey and Timothy Biblar in 2001 after examining over twenty psychological studies it was determined that children raised by homosexual couples/parents are more likely to experiment with homosexual couples were more likely to experiment with homosexuality than children from heterosexual households. Gilien Silsbya researcher from the University of Southern California supports the finding of Stacey and Biblar and went on to study other studies that supported their findings. Silsby analyzed 21 studies going as far back as 1980 in the April edition of American Sociological Review. Although details were not available on which studies were used or the style of study it did state that a few studies included the birth children (not adopted) and contrasts children from gay family households to heterosexual households. Silsby also agrees with my theory that lesbian couples tend to bash straight relationships.

Children raised in a non-traditional household regardless of the gender of the parents will be different, cognitively, emotionally and mentally. Their choice of style; clothing and hair styles will be different as well as their values and outlook on life. For example, children with parents with addictions; drug, alcohol will most likely experience drug and alcohol abuse. A survey study on the genetics of alcoholism presented by Dr. Donald Goodwin shows increased risks of alcoholism in children of alcoholic parents.

There are several survey researches that support this theory. The National Institute of Alcoholism and Alcohol Abuse estimated that over 20 million minors that experience alcoholism were living at home with at least one alcoholic parent. Being exposed to parents with addiction can subconsciously cause children to engage in drinking and drugging. One would just assume that this cliché was based upon common sense. In this day and age, saying to our children, “Do as I say not as I do.”, just doesn’t cut it. Dr. Jane Collins has reviewed cases that say, children will mimic the behavior of their parent. It was my intentions to bring up a topic that left the reader with food for thought. This topic opens up awareness that overall children will do as you do and that parents are the true role models. If we as parents do not remember this our children are subject to failure because parents are not perfect. But if parents stay aware we can come close. Some people will disagree about my theory that if the parent is gay then there is a great possibility that the child/ren will be. There are several assumptions and hypothesis that can support this; topics that researchers can study for validation. Researchers believe that alcoholism can be inherited because of the alcoholic’s parent’s influence on them  then why not homosexuality? It is a behavior. Not just negative behavior on behalf of the parent has an affect on their children but so does positive behavior. For example; if the parent’s values are to be very respectful, or it is a house rule that you brush your teeth after every meal the child will brush their teeth up to 3-4 times a day and will carry that value into adulthood. Therefore the solution to this issue would be awareness.

In a study funded by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development done by researchers at the University of California , Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University looked at 430 children and their biological parents  throughout the child’s high school years. It concluded that the parent’s behavior provides a model for their children’s behavior.

Random studies to support that gay parents produce gay children are scarce and show very little validity due to the fact that adult children of gay parents were hard to contact. But many articles and books were written and their fact finding was based upon information given to them by parents through over fifty interviews given by Garner published in his book in 2004 named, Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell it Like it Is. There are many variables that influence the outcomes of these studies. They have been found to be bias. The researchers that conducted the interviews, the surveys, and have written articles and books based upon their findings were pro-choice, pro-homosexuality. Some researchers who appose that children are not affected in anyway being raise by gay parents only promote this hypothesis/theory so that it does not affect gay people from being able to adopt babies. A second issue that has affected the outcome of studies being documented is that many of the children in the studies  who have engaged in homosexual acts do not affiliate themselves with being gay.

Thirdly adult children of gay parents also felt that if they did marry in heterosexual relationships that they were betraying their gay parents. This group of apologists never answered if they were heterosexual or homosexual, which also tainted the findings in some studies/surveys.

As I stated earlier in my paper, it seemed reasonable to at least present the material available about the topic to bring forth awareness that there is a strong possibility that sexuality can be learned and then practiced if a child grows up in a homosexual surrounding/environment or immersed in gay culture and if the parent is homosexual then the possibilities are not only stronger but endless.

Major findings to support that parents have an affect on their child/ren’s sexuality were surveys given by National Longitudinal Survey of Youth researchers, studies and articles backed by the American Psychological Association (APA); a scientific and professional organization that represents psychology in the United States . It is the largest association of psychologist’s world wide. In these finding researchers concluded that gay parent’s influence of their children’s sexual preference is based upon learned behavior and the fact that if their children would feel comfortable doing so because it would be approved behavior by the parent. Self experience was a part of the input used to back my theory. Being a parent with same sex relationship preference I/my experiences add to the findings presented in favor that a parent’s sexuality does have a bearing on how the child’s sexual preference is developed. My oldest daughter found comfort in being able to explore her sexuality and maintain a same-sex relationship based on values taught, bashing of male values and the damage of being in a heterosexual relationship and just being a product of parent’s that practice and teach lesbian/gay culture.

Data collected for this paper was scarce. Untraditional family structure and it’s affect on children raised in theses households have yet to be fully researched. Homosexuality is taboo and it is very controversial. Pro-gay and anti-gay groups, psychologists, researchers and research study formats make it difficult to properly and sufficiently come up with valid findings that support issues in the gay/homosexual communities because their findings are mostly being jeopardized by their biasness, stereotypes and personal gains. But there is another side to these problems with findings, it only shows that there may be some truth to the theory those indeed same-sex parents and their cultural values, behavior and sexuality affects the child’s sexual preference. It further brings forth that research and better forms of studies are needed. Studies and surveys need to be formatted so that the adult children/children do not have to feel the need to lie about their sexuality or withhold their true sexual desires. The format should also accommodate those who are apologists. These types of changes to studies and surveys will lessen the inaccurate data collected.

In conclusion, a parent’s sexual preference does affect the child’s sexuality development. Furthermore environment is also an attribute to the turn out of a child with gay parent’s sexual identity. Awareness that as parent’s we are the true role models to our children should decrease taking away the natural courses our children will take in their sexuality development, whether they are gay or heterosexual or even experiment in same-sex relationships or homosexual acts.